What makes me think BIG.

Recently, there was a book introduce by a billionaire real estate businessman Donald Trump called "Think Big and kick ass". But that wasn't a book that inspired me. It appears to encourage me and support my idea further, because in real, I have been thinking big since i was a child.

When I was about 5 years old, I drew a mansion on a piece of paper and told my parent that I'm going to buy it. But that's not all because everyone can imagine that. The fundamental sources that keeps me going is perhaps I have different perspective on viewing different circumstances and most importantly my life turbulence.

I'm a jealous person, but rational. When I was 7 years old, I have a rich and endearing classmate that was so likable by peers and teachers. During his birthday, so many classmates rush to gift him present. But when it comes to mine, seems like no body cares. I was sad and I ask my self "why"? 

Actually I wasn't a happy kid, perhaps that's the reason that turns me into less attractive. Guess what, at home I was punished severely with unforgettable bruises every time when I get bad grades. I was controlled like a jail bird in a cell. As an example, sometimes there are certain things that I'm forbade to say and share to my peers. If I disobey, I'll get screw up like an animal. I was thinking, if there are so many thing unspeakable, how am I suppose to communicate with my friends openly and effectively. It happens even now. I admit I'm a worst communicator.

The more I was beaten, the worse my result became. I shivered every time I hear the yelling, and I shivered even when I mistakenly heard a yelling. I was punished too often. I was harangued consecutively with immoral words.

Normal time, I was often used to compare with my cousin who is my age. Every important examination, many family members will want to know how do we do. Often time, my cousin and my brother are always the best, while I'm mostly a worthless looser. Therefore, most people often time have no hope on me. Even there's some simple computer problems, they are afraid to ask me. When they discuss about children occupation, they mention the names of everyone except me. I felt isolated and worthless. It seems like others impression on me is that I'm not capable to work too, and not capable to achieve successfully like others. Besides comparing me and my cousin in terms of exam, I was compared about height as well.

I was told continuously and repeatedly for many days, "You are a hobbit, short and never grow, you short for life!". He seems trying to instill these words in my mind for eternity. Needless to say, it does hurt deeply. The reason I had been told that way is because in real I'm short.

Fear develop gradually in my heart as I never had a chance to express for almost 10 years of life spent and never given a chance to protest vehemently. The worst is, no body actually have a notion of what really happen, because I do not want to expose these embarrassing circumstances, and even I do, no body can help me about it.

As a matter of fact, "Rome is not built in one day". It happens gradually and eventually for years and ages. Those moment almost drove me to the verge of suicide.

Year 2003, I stare at the sky for a long time. I thought of what really happens and what am I going to do about it. I recalled buddha's theory, "suicidal goes to hell". Then I say "Gee, I'm already suffer like hell, why am I going to hell for?, in fact I'm afraid to die." Hence vengeance naturally started to develop in my heart. As at the moment, It seems to me that there are no other ways to get over these.

I thought deeply. I'm going to bring my life back that had been ruin and devastated. That's the day of my turning point to start all over again. I'll bring absolute adequate power in me to be a bigger man no matter how many years its going to take. I said "If you are smart, I'm going to be 1000 times smarter. If you are rich, I'll be richer until 3 generation of yours impossible to cope with my wealth, If you harm me, I'll make you bankrupt. If you still trying to harm me, I'll kill you." - To be continue...

The article above explain a real life brief history of mine which had been kept for ages. There are no exaggeration in every words. The last part shows the evilness in me which I already no longer posses. I had discovered what is real and how to "get a lemon and turn it into lemonade - Dale Carnegie." In other words, to change the negatives into positives. However, the idea of thinking big is still in me. The story has become a motivator that keeps me going.